Shoebiz
What has gone wrong with our shoecide bombers?
Everybody is going off target. With even our
so-sweet (or is it the shoe-sweet) ‘Omar Abdullah’
having managed to escape the bitter after-taste
of a shoe-stamp on his face something seems to be
shoekingly wrong with our shoe hurling bootalian.
They need to be fine-tuned for sure for on all
the occasions they have been shoe near and yet
shoe far. They have all the attriboots needed to be
a shoe-stopper; resolve, anger, flamboyance
and of course shoes, their only fallibility as of now
seems to be the ‘finishing touch’. And what
better venue than India, the land of ‘Arjun’
the bootcher who could hit the bull’s eye
even when blind-folded, the abode of
the ‘gilli-danda’ and ‘kancha’ playing kids
gifted at hitting targets, to set boot-camps
for their training. Since no one is going
to ghost-sponsor their rebellion they would need
to pull themselves up by their own boot strap
and go on a sabootical from their occupation
to create an army of sharp-shoeters before
they decide to come ahead for their next shoe-off.
And they must also be trained to be mentally
prepared to face the dear consequences
of giving shoek-therapy to our not so dear
political class. For the smacked politicians –
seeking vengeance as they must - might be
tempted to sue (shoe) the rebels for such political
sabootage. The rebels would also need to take care
of the making of such shoe-missiles. Their design
should be such that they could be used effectively
as projectiles cutting through the air as they
advance towards their targets. They can take
inspiration from the acutely pointed shoes worn
by Italian mafia to engineer the state-of-the-art
shoes. They can also draw inspiration from
the spike-studded shoes of ‘Thakur’ from the movie
‘Sho(e)lay’ to give their targets the maximum
possible imprint on their faces, something
that could boother them for their lifetime.
And once the isshoe of politicians receiving
their just desserts in the form of shoe-blows
is blown out of proportion, the political class
would unite for once to shoo (shoe) away
this newly-found weapon in the hands of
the modern day rebels. Then the rebels
would come together in clandestine meetings
and would perhaps be forced to bootleg
the shoe-missiles. And to keep the shoespense
alive, the shoet-outs would then be few and far
between. But that would be a future scenario.
At present, we need to make a start by getting
organised and initiating the movement. So,
are we all ready for the shoe-down?
Atul Kapoor is a debutant author of a novel ‘Incredible High’. His book is about an adventurous road trip of five friends to Ladakh on bike. Ladakh, the land of high passes, boasts of world’s highest traversable road and is inundated with deadly traps and vicious curves. He is an avid traveler who has trekked to places as far-off as ‘Gangotri’ and been to a biking expedition all the way to ‘Ladakh’ (core of his novel). Read about his book here.
What has gone wrong with our shoecide bombers?
Everybody is going off target. With even our
so-sweet (or is it the shoe-sweet) ‘Omar Abdullah’
having managed to escape the bitter after-taste
of a shoe-stamp on his face something seems to be
shoekingly wrong with our shoe hurling bootalian.
They need to be fine-tuned for sure for on all
the occasions they have been shoe near and yet
shoe far. They have all the attriboots needed to be
a shoe-stopper; resolve, anger, flamboyance
and of course shoes, their only fallibility as of now
seems to be the ‘finishing touch’. And what
better venue than India, the land of ‘Arjun’
the bootcher who could hit the bull’s eye
even when blind-folded, the abode of
the ‘gilli-danda’ and ‘kancha’ playing kids
gifted at hitting targets, to set boot-camps
for their training. Since no one is going
to ghost-sponsor their rebellion they would need
to pull themselves up by their own boot strap
and go on a sabootical from their occupation
to create an army of sharp-shoeters before
they decide to come ahead for their next shoe-off.
And they must also be trained to be mentally
prepared to face the dear consequences
of giving shoek-therapy to our not so dear
political class. For the smacked politicians –
seeking vengeance as they must - might be
tempted to sue (shoe) the rebels for such political
sabootage. The rebels would also need to take care
of the making of such shoe-missiles. Their design
should be such that they could be used effectively
as projectiles cutting through the air as they
advance towards their targets. They can take
inspiration from the acutely pointed shoes worn
by Italian mafia to engineer the state-of-the-art
shoes. They can also draw inspiration from
the spike-studded shoes of ‘Thakur’ from the movie
‘Sho(e)lay’ to give their targets the maximum
possible imprint on their faces, something
that could boother them for their lifetime.
And once the isshoe of politicians receiving
their just desserts in the form of shoe-blows
is blown out of proportion, the political class
would unite for once to shoo (shoe) away
this newly-found weapon in the hands of
the modern day rebels. Then the rebels
would come together in clandestine meetings
and would perhaps be forced to bootleg
the shoe-missiles. And to keep the shoespense
alive, the shoet-outs would then be few and far
between. But that would be a future scenario.
At present, we need to make a start by getting
organised and initiating the movement. So,
are we all ready for the shoe-down?
Atul Kapoor is a debutant author of a novel ‘Incredible High’. His book is about an adventurous road trip of five friends to Ladakh on bike. Ladakh, the land of high passes, boasts of world’s highest traversable road and is inundated with deadly traps and vicious curves. He is an avid traveler who has trekked to places as far-off as ‘Gangotri’ and been to a biking expedition all the way to ‘Ladakh’ (core of his novel). Read about his book here.
