What Are The Odds?
And we all run the risk of
To remain silent, I don't know....
— China Crisis
I know. The clichés abound —
The world's round, the calm’s before
the storm. They grow malignant,
feasting on sudden deaths, old ties.
They flourish in symmetry, as children
balancing on seesaws aspiring for
that plateau, instances of evenness,
flatlines. Still
the crows are circling the field
and the scarecrow stands useless.
And, moving on, I realize that
horizons fluctuate because the sea
simply permits it. I was waving my
goodbye to someone, in a dream,
in a hospital. Her head
tilting like left-behind women
on the docks in films. Cruel gestures,
preventing voice. Far away now,
farther away. Until even how her
lips moved has become a mere
aspect of sea. Collision
or silence. Heartbeats stroking
the evenings toward land. Spikes
protruding now over the belabored
absences. In that dream, I felt
happy. In that dream I sensed
presence. See, there lies reco-
very. See, there goes
drowning and this fear of depth.
What are the odds, whispers my
sister, finally summoning speech.
We are staring at grass, surveying
the earth, aware of how the sudden
wind is carrying our words somewhere
else far — the sea,
a hospital. Because it is not
the ground shaking but
our bodies. Because this is not
a dream and the flowers are
wilted. And because the world
is, has always been, and ultimately,
flat. Even in death.
For Nanay, 1950-2010
Joel M. Toledo holds a Masters degree in English Studies (Poetry) from the University of the Philippines Diliman, where he likewise finished two undergraduate degrees (Journalism and Creative Writing). He has authored two book of poetry – Chiaroscuro (UST Press, 2008) and The Long Lost Startle (UP Press, 2009). The former was a finalist for the 2008 National Book Awards. He was the recipient of the 2006 NCCA Literary Prize, a grant for the publication of his first book of poems. He has won several literary awards for his poetry in English, including two Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards, The Philippines Free Press Literary Award, The Meritage Press Poetry Prize (San Francisco, USA), and was the first Asian to win the Bridport Prize for Poetry in Dorset, United Kingdom. He is going to Bellagio, Italy this March on a Rockefeller Foundation grant to work on his third collection of poems titled Ruins and Reconstructions. He is the current Literary Editor of the Philippines Free Press Magazine, and teaches literature at Miriam College.
And we all run the risk of
To remain silent, I don't know....
— China Crisis
I know. The clichés abound —
The world's round, the calm’s before
the storm. They grow malignant,
feasting on sudden deaths, old ties.
They flourish in symmetry, as children
balancing on seesaws aspiring for
that plateau, instances of evenness,
flatlines. Still
the crows are circling the field
and the scarecrow stands useless.
And, moving on, I realize that
horizons fluctuate because the sea
simply permits it. I was waving my
goodbye to someone, in a dream,
in a hospital. Her head
tilting like left-behind women
on the docks in films. Cruel gestures,
preventing voice. Far away now,
farther away. Until even how her
lips moved has become a mere
aspect of sea. Collision
or silence. Heartbeats stroking
the evenings toward land. Spikes
protruding now over the belabored
absences. In that dream, I felt
happy. In that dream I sensed
presence. See, there lies reco-
very. See, there goes
drowning and this fear of depth.
What are the odds, whispers my
sister, finally summoning speech.
We are staring at grass, surveying
the earth, aware of how the sudden
wind is carrying our words somewhere
else far — the sea,
a hospital. Because it is not
the ground shaking but
our bodies. Because this is not
a dream and the flowers are
wilted. And because the world
is, has always been, and ultimately,
flat. Even in death.
For Nanay, 1950-2010
Joel M. Toledo holds a Masters degree in English Studies (Poetry) from the University of the Philippines Diliman, where he likewise finished two undergraduate degrees (Journalism and Creative Writing). He has authored two book of poetry – Chiaroscuro (UST Press, 2008) and The Long Lost Startle (UP Press, 2009). The former was a finalist for the 2008 National Book Awards. He was the recipient of the 2006 NCCA Literary Prize, a grant for the publication of his first book of poems. He has won several literary awards for his poetry in English, including two Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards, The Philippines Free Press Literary Award, The Meritage Press Poetry Prize (San Francisco, USA), and was the first Asian to win the Bridport Prize for Poetry in Dorset, United Kingdom. He is going to Bellagio, Italy this March on a Rockefeller Foundation grant to work on his third collection of poems titled Ruins and Reconstructions. He is the current Literary Editor of the Philippines Free Press Magazine, and teaches literature at Miriam College.
